Ratings: The Heston

All books, movies, music, and other media are rated in Hestons. Hestons are, of course, named in honor of Charlton Heston, the Patron Saint of the Post-Apocalypse. Heston starred in at least four of the most influential (and quotable) post-apocalyptic movies ever made: The Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man, Soylent Green, and The Ten Commandments (ask the Egyptians if it’s post-apocalyptic or not). Add to this his roles as Marc Antony in Julius Caesar, Ben-Hur, El Cid, and The Mountain Men, all men playing pivotal roles in moments when the world changed dramatically. His time as president of the NRA also contributes to this honor; in post-apocalyptic times, the guy with the biggest gun usually makes the rules. Everything is rated on a scale of zero to five Hestons. No half-Hestons will be given.

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